the heat was on…

November 14, 2009

This morning I took my body to a Hot Yoga class, approximately 90 minutes. It was decent, I do not love it or hate it. I could not participate that much in it truthfully and spent more time meditating, lying on my back, or taking rests. It is challenging…but not the way I approached it today. I wanted to give it a try. Hot Yoga is said to offer several detoxyifying benefits and to ease soreness, increase flexibility, build strength, etc. Truthfully I would love to sign up for this class for at least 2 months…and get true benefits out of it because consistency is the key. But, I doubt I can afford that…well, actually I know I cannot afford it, but there comes out that *forget my realistic situation* attitude. What is up with that? Its hard to determine where to draw the line between between realistic and being bold….

Anyway, I know the online classes are ever-popular…but for some reason when I try to pull them up my screen is just black…boo…

In the meantime I have some Rodney Yee DVDs…however they are getting boring. I picked up another one the other day also, so who knows?? Generally though I like the idea of taking classes during the week to a) feel like I am a part of the structured fitness world, b) have a hard surface to do the yoga properly (I have carpet in my living area).

I will have to think it over again.

Today is a bit of a difficult day for me. I am having difficulty with some upsetting news I have learned and jumping to the dangerous comparing game….you know….when you compare yourself against a) what you were….who you were…, and b) someone else.

I used to be a fantastic physical fitness athlete….completely involved with exercise….and good at it too…particularly running. Well, as I previously managed I am now on a complete journey to complete health, so exercise (structure, hard core, *real* exercise) is not in my cards right now. I walk daily and I try the yoga stretch. Boy, the journey to health is quite a road…honestly I wish I could wake tommorow I would be all better and go out and run miles and miles…and feel good while doing it.

I think often people take for granted what they can do. I see bloggers running miles and miles….and I would kiss the ground if only I could jog for 2 minutes. It is bringing me down and I am trying to be positive, really trying….but it is not easy and I am having a tough time of it. Comparing myself. Particularly also in relation to food. I have this no activity level now…and I see people around me and people on blogs (athletes) quite often eating tiniest portions, or avoiding the grains (the carbs)…or substituting all bread and pasta with squash….

I. Cannot. Compare. I have to not even go there….do not go down that road…because that just leads a person to dwelling, sadness…and complete danger. For example…if I feel badly and feel my eating is not justified since I do a lot of sitting and reading and others do tremendous amounts…if I feel badly for that…do I run the risk of eating less? And where will that lead me? Compromised health, that is where. Denying my body and brain the nourishment and fuel it needs to grow strong and happy and healthy and vital.

The difficulty is that I have some personal digestive and other things going on. So my whole physical situation is not comfortable nor desired.

Inspiration? I am thinking about the people who end up in wheelchair after accidents or trauma ….and end up having to re-learn how to walk for just 1 minute at a time….gosh, for me to feel sorry for myself….how wrong. That is why I wish several food bloggers (not everyone, but many) would thanks their stars to be able to walk for even 5 minutes of the day….if I could stumble or crawl for just 2 minutes it would be an accomplishment. You might think I am being lazy or could do more….believe me, I think that all the time. But it comes down to the physicality of the situation and the concrete fact that rest is necessary….I would have another half a year before vigorous exercise is even possible.

The hardest part about it also? Doubting, and not forseeing that my body will ever achieve what it did or what others do….that if I do get better…I may never run again….I may not even be capable of biking or much of anything. It leaves a bleak picture in the road ahead of me. ….but like I said….I need to be positive….do not go down that road.

I guess that is where the passion for books is intensifying…..occupy me…(hopefully) most of the time. So, bloggers  (who this might relate or apply to) be grateful for what you can do and do not take it for granted…and do not be consumed by silly food fears (avoiding carbs, low cals, whatever the latest fad is)….it is all a waste…it does your body no good and it does no one else good either.


4 Responses to “the heat was on…”

  1. Thanks for the reminder to never take anything for granted and keep staying positive my friend. 🙂

    I had the same problem with yogadownload until I installed the latest version of QuickTime. Try that.

    • Heather, you will forever make me smile…more than you know. You are the kind of gal I wish I lived in the same city as because you are that kind of gal I think everyone wants (and needs) as a friend.

  2. Abby Says:

    Boy can I relate to this one, too. Sometimes I have to avoid parts of certain blogs because they’re training for an event or a race and therefore, I feel lazy and unjustified with just going for a walk or doing yoga. I compare, even though I know I shouldn’t, and wish I could be training for something (if only to justify all the food I have to eat.)

    I know it’s not healthy, so I try and keep in mind that I am in a different spot. Yes, I used to be an athlete as well with about 50lbs more of muscle and beauty and I took it for granted. If I could wake up like that tomorrow morning and just have to maintain, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I could go to the gym and feel strong and healthy, I would do it in a heartbeat. Not right now…

    I’ve also started reading a lot more, now that the weather is colder, and try and do “crafty” things for the holidays (and I am the most UNcrafty person ever, so that says something…) Whatever you need for a healthy distraction, right?

    Hang in there, girl.

    • Thank you so so much! Its tough though because I have been not exercising for 11 months now and it looks like it will be another 7 months + before I can consider it….my sister is running 10 miles nearly every day…and she used to be underweight…but always exercised through gaining weight….how does one cope with this ? how does one hang on ?

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