November 18, 2009


Focus on myself

If I want a big bowl of oats packed with sweets and calories then I will

what does it matter that I sit all day….just sit…just fricking relax and stop overthinking it

if i want pb-chocolate cups or pb bread or a pizza or lots of meat with spaghetti noodles, that is okay

if i overload on nuts and fats…if i eat grains…if i eat animal sourcs

i have to be okay with it….if i eat lots of treats…if i eat too much before bed…if i overload on sugar and pure vegetarian meals…if i force the food…and wake up to that depression knowing i have to do it all over again…eat, sit, eat, sit, eat, sit, etc….never ending….wasted wasted wasted

my parent says it is okay…it is a valid health sickness…i should not feel guilt and shame and horror like another family member has imposed on me…telling me i am a failure and deserve nothing….i have to ignore

and focus on myself….i lost myself and i will never get myself back….but i will fight to do better….just better is all i need right now…


One Response to “Focus”

  1. Abby Says:

    I could have written this myself, but I will just offer the cheesy “Progress, not perfection” motto. Screw anyone who gives you crap about you taking care of you and your health. If you had cancer, would they make you feel shame and guilt?

    Do what you know you need to do and prove them all wrong. Without your health–physical and mental–you are lost. Luckily, you seem to be on the right path and finding your way, slowly but surely.

    Progress, not perfection.

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