i wish

November 19, 2009

i wish i could know it would be alright

11 months and counting…another 7+ months before even considering something active for 30 seconds. Kicking myself for not being more proactive months ago…instead of listening to others or worrying…I should have just started it major and I could be somewhat better by now. IF,,IF I ever exercise again…it will be another year before i could imagine anything like 4 minutes on a bike…it will be 5 years before I can consider running….I feel so horribly for sitting like a blob….just eating and reading and spending ridiculous amounts of money on food, insurance, car, rent, living and for months and months….

This is me now….I ignore everyone else…because this is my body and my head right now and I have to do for me. I will continue to ignore everyone else. No guilt for carbs, no guilt for eating, no guilt for stuffing and barely a walk…I wish …IF I spent time WORRYING about other peoples routines and lives….then WHO would spend time worrying about mine ?….SO, I need to FOCUS on me and me alone.

THere is no such thing as perfect….there is only life.

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2 Responses to “i wish”

  1. Abby Says:

    No one can know that things will be alright. All you know is if you keep doing what got you here in the first place, things won’t get any better, so you have to trust the process.

    There can be no guilt for being a “human being” and not a “human doing” all the time. There can be no guilt for taking the time, money and energy to get healthy in body and mind. There can be no guilt for what you feel, but you don’t have to act on those feelings.

    Feel the feelings and move on–blog, do art, yoga–anything but behavior that will set you back again. Don’t think about how far you have to go, but rather how much closer you are to a goal.


    • Thank you so much for this comment. Your posts are wonderful. I find nourishing mornings and some others helpful also but I do not think my replies to their posts goes through. Be strong.


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